In Not the News today (content may offend), you'll notice that there are not as many flies around now. That's because all the Aussies have gone home and the flies with them.

Let's face it, one can put up with a few flies if the money is landing in your pocket as fast as the flies are landing on your sausage. Also very noticeable is the fact that the airlines no longer come through with spray cans as you arrive in God's Own; that's probably because there are no longer any Aussies coming to our fair land.

We have discovered a very successful way of killing the little pests (the flies).

My very own HB (house female dog) rolls up one of our free local papers, (not the Weekend Sun of course) and karates them. A friend of ours from Gisborne (mostly undiscovered territory) has learnt the art of bursting their eardrums with one almighty clap above the little pests (the flies) when they are in full flight.

My friend from mostly undiscovered territory said it may pay not to advertise it too much if I intend to cross the Tasman in July, some patriotic Aussie may take umbrage and lay in wait at the international terminal to seek his revenge.

Probably not too dangerous because as he/she should be recognisable by the swarm of flies around his/her head.

Both my HB and friend from mostly undiscovered territory have offered to run a course to radiate the little pests.

Anyone wanting to attend are advised to book early as places will be limited.