Warning: This story contains information that some may find disturbing.

A man’s demeaning and violent abuse of a woman saw him inflict physical assaults, which left her unable to continue breastfeeding.

Adam Thomas Ross’ abuse extended to telling her to she should kill herself and threatening to kill her and make sure her body was “never found”.

Despite admitting 18 family violence charges and one meth possession charge, Judge David Collin couldn’t distinguish one incident as being more serious than the others, describing his behaviour as “dehumanising and degrading”.

Adam's assaults - verbal and physical - also occurred in front of their young toddler, which also left the judge unimpressed, over nearly two and-a-half years.

The judge rejected notes in reports describing the couple’s relationship as “caustic or toxic”.

“It’s violence and you were the one that was violent to her,” Judge Collin told Adam in the Hamilton District Court today.

“It was no fault of hers.

“It’s your violence that brings you here. It was you who exercised your power and control over her by threatening her, kicking her, spitting at her, belittling her, and demeaning her.

“This often occurred in front of [child] and what we know is that children who are exposed to violence, it impacts the way their brains develop.

“That is the harm that you have done.”

‘Your body will never be found’

The assaults began when the victim was pregnant with their son between January and April 2021.

During an argument she was sitting on the floor and he walked in, kicked her to the leg, before picking her up and throwing her on to a bed.

By April of that same year, their baby was only a few months old, and the victim was holding him.

Adam, 28, grabbed the baby from her arms and she was worried he was going to leave with him.

Adam then kicked her to the chest and she fell to the ground, winded, before he left with the child.

He then returned a short time later, grabbed the victim’s head and smacked it into the hallway wall before using her own hands to hit herself.

As a result, she suffered chest pain so badly that she was unable to continue breastfeeding, resulting in her milk supply drying up.

Another time, the victim was feeding the youngster in his high chair when Adam walked into the kitchen and picked up the child’s food, and forced it into her face.

In September 2022, the victim had locked herself in her bathroom as Adam made threats to kill her and then encouraged her to kill herself.

The following month, Adam began removing his property.

As he was outside, the victim seized the opportunity to lock him out.

However, Adam kicked the door in, smashing the wooden framing, and walked inside and abused her before a neighbour intervened.

In February last year, the pair were at a property arguing and Adam charged towards the victim causing her to drop to the ground to protect herself.

Adam stood on her foot using his bodyweight to inflict pain before threatening to kill her and “pummel” her and that her body would never be found.

In another fight, the pair began arguing. The victim was sitting down.

Adam grabbed her legs by the knees and spread them apart and threatening to rape her.

In April last year, the victim told Adam about some further education she was doing.

Adam told her that she would “never amount to anything” and she would fail.

When she went into her bedroom she found a kitchen knife stabbed into one of her books.

That same month, Adam went round to her house and the victim became suspicious that he was using methamphetamine [P].

She searched his car and found a meth pipe. He then threatened to kill her and blamed her for his mental health issues.

He then grabbed her and told her he would kill her, their son, and burn the house down.

He also spat at her and encouraged her to take meth with him as it would “help settle her anxiety and help her relax”, and even offered to get it delivered to her house.

During an argument the next day, Adam told her she would never see her son again and that he hated her.

He also breached a protection order by texting and emailing her multiple times.

Counsel Thomas Sutcliffe said his client was genuinely remorseful, had pleaded guilty early on, and completed rehabilitative courses including a 20-week Living Without Violence course.

He’d also had counselling with a psychologist which would continue when he moved back home to Tauranga.

Judge Collin said it was a case where all of the offending “strikes home the horror of it for [victim] and in the way in which you forced her to live”.

“It’s the pattern of violence which reflects the true seriousness of what happened rather than isolating one event. it’s the ongoing violence that you perpetrated toward her which dehumanised her and degraded her.”

However, he accepted his remorse was genuine given the work he’d done on himself and his pleas.

He also allowed for discounts for his Section 27 cultural report.

The judge accepted the victim wanted Adam jailed, that he offended while on bail for other charges, but as he had strong family support, he could avoid issuing a prison sentence.

Instead, Judge Collin sentenced Adam to six months’ home detention, 150 hours’ community work, and ordered he pay $200 emotional harm reparation.

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help: If you're in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)

• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)

• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450

• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.

• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)

• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence

• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services

• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.

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Belinda Feek is an Open Justice reporter based in Waikato. She has worked at NZME for nine years and has been a journalist for 20.