Warning: This story includes details of sexual assault and may be distressing.

“Living in a world where you are afraid to close your eyes and relax to sleep at night is not a nice world to live in.”

That’s what a woman has told the 45-year-old man who sexually violated her as she was sleeping at a colleague’s place after a work-related event.

While Judge Bill Lawson declined permanent name suppression when the man was sentenced in the Tauranga District Court on Friday, he still cannot be named after indicating he plans to appeal.

A jury found him guilty earlier this year after hearing how the woman went to bed, heavily intoxicated, at a colleague’s house but awoke to find him sexually violating her.

She described his attack as “one of the most extreme violations a person can endure”.

The physical and emotional aftermath had been severe – she had not been able to sit comfortably in the days following the attack and was in pain as she drove to the police station and attended medical examinations.

She’d suffered bruising and still had scars from the man’s “fingernails ripping into [her]”.

“These are a constant reminder of what happened to me, and it haunts me every time I look in the mirror.”

It had also affected her husband and young children.

“This has robbed our kids of precious time with their mother,” she said.

“Once very involved with their schooling and activities, I’m now rarely able to pick them up or drop them off at school.”

They’d lost the “carefree, happy mother they once knew” as she sometimes struggled to get out of bed and was in constant fear for their safety.

“They wake me at night, scared and needing reassurance, only to find a mother who herself is terrified from being woken.”

It had affected her relationship with her husband as the “joy of [their] connection has been overshadowed by these painful memories of being raped”.

“I know this has affected him immensely. It is not easy to live knowing that another man has violated your wife in such a hideous way.”

The woman said the trial had been retraumatising, but she had wanted to ensure the man never did something like this again.

She asked Judge Lawson “for justice”.

“Not just for me, but for my family, whose lives have been irrevocably changed,” she said.

“I also ask that you please ensure [the man] gets the help that he needs so that he never does this again.”

Speaking to NZME after the sentencing, the woman said she hoped other women would feel encouraged to speak up if they’d been sexually assaulted.

“Hopefully it will give other people hope and help someone else stand up for themselves,” she said.

While she felt it would have been easier to avoid the court process, it had been the right thing to help ensure there weren’t more victims.

Her advice to those who’d been subjected to sexual violence was to “stay strong”.

“Get support, get counselling, reach out to Tautoko Mai [sexual harm support] ... be kind to yourself and just do the right thing by yourself and other people.”

She felt relieved the court process was over and she could “start getting her life back on track now”.

“Get the f*** off me”

The man was found guilty by a jury on a charge of sexual violation by unlawful sexual connection.

During the trial, the court heard there had been a work event at the Tauranga Races.

The man had been at the Tauranga Races for a work event and went to a colleague's house for an evening's revelry before he sexually violated a woman as she slept.

A mix of colleagues, friends and neighbours went to a house after the races to enjoy drinks and food on a typical summer evening around an outdoor fire.

The victim, who was connected to the workplace and was friends with the homeowner, said she’d been having a good time, catching up with longstanding friends and people she’d just met.

Her husband had left the gathering early, but she had stayed on.

The gathering continued, with more drinks and festivities, and a few people stayed at the house after midnight.

The woman said she had been very drunk and struggled to remember large parts of the evening.

She went to bed in one of the spare rooms but woke in the early hours to the man “forcefully” raping her.

In her evidential video to police, she said when she realised what was happening she kept thinking, “Say something, say something,” before she used her most “stern” voice to say: “Get the f*** off me”.

She could hear him panting and breathing heavily as he violated her, but he’d stopped and “scurried off” after she’d told him to leave.

When she awoke the next morning she went into the bathroom, feeling sore, and thought, “What the f***, has this really happened?”

Defence lawyer Craig Tuck said the incident was “absolute fantasy” and the woman had made it up.

The defence case was not that it happened and she’d consented – rather that it simply didn’t happen at all.

Tuck said her evidence couldn’t be relied upon because of the “almost unbelievable” amounts of alcohol she had consumed, which had affected her memory. He also pointed to a lack of DNA present after a physical examination.

The jury reached a unanimous guilty verdict after around eight hours of deliberation.

“She was entitled to feel safe”

At sentencing, the judge referred to a letter of remorse from the man.

“It makes it clear that you accept that you have offended in this way against the victim, and you accept that you have caused physical and emotional trauma to her.”

The judge said those close to him described him as a “gentle person who is generous and willing to help others”.

But he had also had struggles in his upbringing, including ADHD, difficulties with school, a head injury as a teenager, and substance abuse. The judge accepted a psychotherapist report that suggested some of these factors could have had a causal link to his offending.

Judge Lawson said the woman had been in an environment where she was entitled to feel safe.

“You were both escorted to separate rooms and she was entitled to expect that she would remain in that room free from any interference or contact from you,” he said.

“You took advantage of her vulnerability. You seriously penetrated her ... while she was sleeping, or blacked out. You held her in place to allow that to occur.”

The judge adopted a starting point of seven years and four months imprisonment.

He gave the man a 5% discount for remorse.

“Your expression of remorse identifies that you have thought this through ... You have accepted that your behaviour was the cause of significant impact on the victim,” Judge Lawson said.

“Very often in cases like this, we find the victims left in a state of doubt because the defendants maintain their innocence and do not accept the verdict. Here you have accepted what you have done.”

The man also offered an emotional harm repayment of $2500. The judge said that while that couldn’t repay the financial loss the woman and her family had suffered, it did represent a manifestation of the remorse expressed.

The man was also given a 10% discount for background factors.

He received an end sentence of six years and three months imprisonment and was ordered to pay $2500 for emotional harm.

SEXUAL HARM

Where to get help:
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it's not your fault.