It's been 40 years since the Americans faked the first moon walk. The second moon walk was of course achieved by Michael Jackson. Look where that got him.

The moon has always been associated with a certain amount of lunacy and the US space programme and MJ are no exception. Where will it end with these hoaxes?
Next they'll be trying to convince us the earth is round and it's impossible to sail right off the edge. Ha.
There's a newly-restored version coming out, of Moonwalk One – The Director's Cut.
In other words, they've applied modern Photoshop techniques to fix slip-ups they missed in the first scam.
I was just a fresh-faced young chap, in Primer Two at Tauranga Primary School, when the teacher expected us to believe a rocket had gone to the moon and Neil Armstrong had taken the first steps.
I turned to my school buddy, Peter Jackson, and we both scoffed and declared it a hoax. Back then, we had our suspicions about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny as well. Fortunately we had hard evidence of the Tooth Fairy's existence - and the cash to prove it.
We'd watched the moon walk footage on our black and white TVs and I said to Peter, ‘Mate, you could do better than that.'
Peter, with a particular interest in special effects, agreed. I suggested he'd do well in cinematography. However, he never did reach his movie-making potential. Some other Peter Jackson dude picked up on the idea and the rest is history.
Since then, many other successful hoaxes have been carried out.

Hoaxes
We are currently being entertained by the global warming scare .
Then there's the ‘anti-smacking law will stop kids being abused' promise.
We've also had the ‘you'll get a tax cut' hoax and the ‘We'll peg the rates increase to a maximum of two per cent' scam.
It brings into question a whole generation of dodgy nursery rhymes. If Armstrong didn't walk on it, can we really be expected to believe a cow jumped over it?
Santa and Easter Bunny turned out to be quite suspect.
Even the Tooth Fairy was exposed as a complicated rort, with dodgy parents working on a contractual arrangement on her behalf. I hope the commission was worth it, to mislead your children and scar them for life; causing the poor wee things to distrust anyone in a fairy outfit and be highly suspicious of stereotypical male hairdressers and interior designers.
Our parents told us if we pulled faces and the wind changed, we'd stay like that. Turns out that was a hoax, too, although there could be odd exceptions. Bill Ralston and Camilla spring to mind.
Our grandmother always tried to convince us if we put our fingers in the bean slicer, they'd get cut. Turns out this was not a hoax, she was right. That explains some of the erratic typing in this column. That, and impending blindness. She must have been right about that, too.

Switched off
Meanwhile we've been bombarded with Michael Jackson hype at every turn, even the news was bumped off TV. As the line up of beautiful people, seeking attention and fame as a result of someone's death, sang ‘make the world a better place', I did… and hit the off button.

It's a boy thing
A bunch of teachers from around the world meet this week to figure out why boys are failing at school.
They're trying to work out why only 45 per cent of boys have passed NCEA level three.
There are several reasons:
1. Rampant PCism.
2. Girls are smarter.
3. Boys rarely concentrate after point three and have shorter memories.
4. I can't remember Reason 4.
Three of those points are self explanatory. So let's delve into point 2: Girls are smarter.
We have to say this, or we will either get the bash, no sex, or both.
Worse than the bash, the look. A boy can usually survive the bash. But, the withering look… you don't want to get that from a girl.
So boys know their place. We've been put there by bolshy women wearing the pants for about 40 years now. It started when we got distracted by Neil Armstrong pretending to walk on the moon.
If he really did walk on the moon, it would only be due to a woman putting a rocket under him.

Hey diddle…
And finally, here's some riveting trivia from the Apollo 11 mission. It is said Armstrong may have been the first man to set foot on the moon but Aldrin was the first to pee there. He reportedly used the relief tube built into his spacesuit moments after stepping out, on live TV with millions of people watching.
This will mean a re-hash of the famous space-theme nursery rhymes, to 'Tinkle, tinkle, widdle star” and 'Hey diddle diddle, Buzz had a piddle.”