Ho ho ho, have we got news for you!

Just as you make the final preparations for a jolly Christmas and the wind-down of 2009, the PC nitpickers are not at rest. In fact they have the knives out for the last bastion of good fun; Santa himself.
Just as he's about to load the sleigh for another epic worldwide journey, the PC pot-shotters are loading their loudmouths and coming out against the big guy with all guns blazing.
The latest salvo is from an Australian health boffin who, in a paper to the British Medical Journal, accuses Santa of: Obesity, failing to wear a seatbelt, promotion of unhealthy products, spreading disease and drink driving.
Dr Nathan Grills is reported to also have pointed the PC finger at Santa for speeding, extreme sports such as roof surfing, disregard for road rules and not wearing a helmet.
[Note: Santa insisted on wearing a lifejacket for our Sun cover photo, so there]
On the obesity issue, the good doctor claims Mr Claus has a world wide effect of making fatness synonymous with cheerfulness and joviality.
Further, children are encouraged to dispense hard liquor, leading to the suggestion that Santa, with a lot of travel and many houses to visit, is seen to disregard the drink-drive message. [This, despite the fact we all know that Rudolph et al. do the navigating and driving]
Not satisfied with undermining the reputation of one of the most influential characters of modern times (narrowly beating Ronald McDonald in a USA study) the PC police are also attacking Santa's helpers.
The millions of S. Claus stand-ins around the world are not given health checks, moans the Grills report.
Consequently, these Santa impersonators kiss and hug countless snotty-nosed kids. He alludes to the worldwide swine flu threat, and claims Santa's disease-spreading capability is enormous.
On the iconic transport method, Dr Killjoy prescribes more physical exertion for the Fat Guy – walking or jogging to deliver gifts, or trading the reindeer on a bike.
Finally, the real sinister side of the doctor's allegations are that if Santa influenced world health by a tenth of a percent, millions of lives would be damaged.
Jeepers, why stop there. What about inappropriate physical contact with youngsters and child molestation?
Then there's the question of disturbing the peace – all that Ho-Ho-Hoing and sleigh clattering in the dark of night must be breaking some regulations.
What about reindeer emissions? We don't see Santa with a doggy doo shovel to deal with Comet's by-products.
As for entering people's houses via the chimney – surely that's home invasion. At least being unlawfully on premises… the charge list goes on and on.
I'm surprised the churches haven't taken a civil lawsuit against his hi-jacking the true meaning of Christmas! The trademark lawyers would sleigh him.
What really troubles me, is not so much that Dr Killjoy thinks Santa needs reining in. Everyone's entitled to their opinions. The real concern is that hardworking families, slogging their way through a recession, with a little Christmas cheer and meagre indulgences to look forward to, will be paying taxes to support the (grossly excessive) salaries of the Dr Killjoys of this world.
They're everywhere. Overpaid bureaucrats who have nothing better to contribute to society than making our lives more difficult and squandering our ever increasing taxes on nonsense.

Still feeling festive?
The answer is the un-PC backlash. People everywhere who've had enough of this nonsense permeating every facet of our lives need to make 2010 the year that personal freedom strikes back.
In the meantime, have a fantastic Christmas rest, live it up, chill out and spend some good times with your family and friends. Forget the PC control freaks demands (as long as you're not hurting anyone) and relax.
Thanks for your support and readership through the year and the decade. Here at The Sun, we have enjoyed bringing you the best paper in town every week; and since August, the fastest daily news in town on: www.sunlive.co.nz
We'll be back in your letterboxes with the first Sun of 2010 on January 8.
In the meantime, SunLive will keep you right up to date with all the news and action as it happens, free every day, throughout the day.
Merry Fat Christmas.