Roger Rabbits with Jim Bunny

We aren’t perfect.  But hey…they’re nuts!’

Now that’s a no-nonsense, shot-to-the-heart political rallying cry. Okay, it’s American, but it’s a Huntley & Palmers, it’s a cracker. And it’s eminently transferrable, eminently suited to the NZ campaign-scape.

Cos it’s got colour, got an edge, it’s memorable, quotable and it’s funny. 

Certainly got a chuckle when I tested it on my broad spectrum of friends and connections. Both of them.

While on political edible kernels try this one: ‘I’d vote for a Democrat, but I am allergic to nuts’. Swap out ‘Democrat’ for any party.

Or: ‘You can’t fix stupid. But you can vote it out’.

Our political parties have had three years to dream up some razzamatazz to excite the electorate, to swing and sway a few votes. But no, just another blancmange of bland, forgettable and ordinary.  Where’s the fun and fearlessness?

Such as: ‘Voting’s like driving. Choose (N) to go backward. Choose (L) to go forward’.

Think about it. Put yourself in gear and drive that slogan right to the door of the polling booth and tick it! Okay, you might, at a pinch, want to transpose the (N) and the (L). But this is about the message, not the messenger. And the message is simple, clear, defined, nifty. Remember ‘Pick Rick’ – even if you don’t remember the man? A great slogan until they “flicked Rick”… 

What about: ‘A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage’.

Stick that on a billboard. Catchy. You know exactly what you are being promised – what you might not have, what you would like to have and what you might get. It doesn’t dwell on the past, but points to a positive future.

A lot of families struggling to put a chicken in the pot right now – so it could have been a timely pitch to a demographic that’s hurting. And with the price of Unleaded 91 expected to hit $3.50 per litre by Christmas, even some MPs would think twice before ‘Uff’ing’ off to Pak’nSave to give the wife a break.

This all came about from a random chat about NZ party slogans. We were remembering past slogans.

Here’s some Labour Party inspiration from yesteryear. ‘Bringing NZ together’, ‘Trust Labour. It’s working’ and ‘Make things happen’. A nation yawns in unison.

And from National: ‘The go ahead Government’, ‘Get the future you deserve’, and ‘Vote National again’. A nation nods off…

Now, each election, one of our contributors sets about rating party slogans. I don’t think they get out much. They rate slogans on a variety of criteria – is it short, simple and easy to remember, does it have vision, rhythm? Our analyst gave ‘Get our country back on track’ 8/10 – claiming “National finally had a half-decent catchcry”. But this where political persuasion messes with objectivity. This person always has their blue singlet hanging down. Not surprisingly they gave Labour’s ‘In it for you’ just 1/8.

And it seems nothing’s new – it just gets recycled. One of our little team had read somewhere recently that National’s ‘back on track’ has been used by pro-railway lobby groups around the world. And the question was asked – why would a party promising more roads, including a fanciful four lane highway from Tauranga to eternity, want to get things ‘back on track’?

‘In it for you’ says Chris Hipkins. Is that slogan telling us you have our backs Chris? Because that’s not a promise, that’s our expectation. And wasn’t ‘In it for you’ an energy company slogan from 10 years ago? 

Hardly toe-tapping stuff, nothing to break out the tambourine and start chanting political allegiances. In fact, everyone in our chat group was scratching around trying to remember the slogans. And then they decided they were slogans designed by committee, everyone having a say and not saying very much.

Try these for size.

‘Democrats: Cleaning up Republican messes since 1933’. ‘Nixon’s the one’. As it turned out, he was a right one. ‘Richard Nixon for the Future’ – but he didn’t have one.

During the 1960s presidential campaign, Barry ‘bash the commies’ Goldwater, had campaign buttons that read ‘Au H20’ – Au for gold and H20 for water.

How about ‘Are you hearing crazy voices? Turn off (whoever)’.

And one with “ouch” factor: ‘My President Killed Osama Bin Laden. What’s yours done?’

Here’s a favourite: ‘Did you know one out of three Republican supporters are just as stupid as the other two?’  Or...perhaps: ‘When you are old and eating cat food, you can thank (drop in a party of choice)’.

Or: ‘Work harder! Millions on welfare depend on you’.

Or: ‘Due to (drop in a party) policy, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off’.

We feel a competition coming on. Beyond October 14, we will have three years to write/compose/hash/some rollicking good political slogans. Sharpen the pencils and the minds!